Observations on Thai Women. Part 2 of 2.
The YouTuber, who produced a video on this subject, opened with this comment, “In this video, we will take a look at 12 different kinds of Thai women you should have nothing whatsoever to do with”. YouTube appear to have removed his story.
I have not edited or changed his narrative. I have not amended his style of writing or use of flowery language and clichés. Each of the 12 sections starts with his analysis and is followed by my critique of his discussion. I have aimed to provide, from my own experience and research, a more balanced and cultural insight into the 12 points he makes, explaining why Thais think and act as they do.
6. The Emotionally Immature Thai Woman.
“Many Thai women are very emotionally insecure due to the fact that Thai culture does not address issues due to fear of losing face. This coupled with TV soap operas that show very immature women acting out one drama after another has definitely helped foster this problem. Guys you MUST address this early on. Failure to do so will again lead to a very miserable life!”
Face is one of the most complicated aspects in Thai Cultural Anthropology. As well as showing respect and obedience to elders and those in authority, Thais learn from when they are born not to challenge the feudal hierarchy. At the highest levels of the hierarchy, the monarchy, challenging is illegal under the strict lèse majesté law: Prison terms can follow.
This is the reason for their insecurity and why they lack confidence in themselves and feel unable to take responsibility for their own actions. It’s much more than not wanting to lose Face.
The YouTuber is right about Thai soap operas portraying insecure people. Take a quick look at some excerpts, you don’t have to understand the Thai to know what’s going on. Concentrate on the facial expressions.
7. The REFUSE to Listen to Anything Thai Lady.
“Because of the HUGE desire never to lose face, some Thai women will simply NEVER listen to you when you try to address an issue where they might be at fault. This is where give and take MUST come into play or your relationship is likely doomed! If she won’t listen and always, always, always has to have the last word, you need to find a way to address this.”
Not listening or walking away is how they are able to maintain Face. Try to find a compromise or, better still, return to the issue later in a different way, but this time making it sound as if it’s her own idea. She won’t then lose face. This does not only apply to women.
(There’s a full chapter on Face in my book, Thailand Take Two, and several diary entries on the topic in A Thailand Diary.)
8. The Farang Friend Collector.
“If you are with a Thai lady who thinks nothing of giving her contact details to every farang and his dog or who wants to stay “good friends” with all her past farang boyfriends, you are asking for trouble.”
Thai people never want to say no. They are taught to avoid conflict.
If she meets an ex-boyfriend or another foreigner, she’ll likely smile and chat with him. It’s also possible that he is her boyfriend or husband! That seems strange to a foreigner but appears perfectly normal to a Thai.
9. The Alcohol or Drug-addicted Thai Lady.
“FACT. “A good Thai lady” doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. And I am NOT being judgmental. That is seriously frowned upon by the bulk of Thai society.
SIDEBAR: In the mid-1980s, I established one of the more successful Drug and Rehabilitation centres in Australia. That experience 100% convinced me that almost all alcoholics have one character trait in common, they refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions. They lay blame. They justify. They NEVER take responsibility.
Now, of course, anyone can change. But my strongest suggestion is to NOT be with a Thai lady with an alcohol or drug problem. Again, the Thai obsession with not losing face under any circumstances is an almost insurmountable roadblock to recovery.”
If you have a partner with an alcohol or drug addiction there can be difficulties, and relationships may break down irrevocably. But that happens everywhere in the world. While the YouTuber makes a fair point that addicts don’t take responsibility for their own actions, please note that there are not the resources in Thailand for them to seek help overcoming their problems.
More specifically, Thai culture has this “mai pen rai”, it doesn’t matter, attitude to problems such as this. Easier to blame someone else.
10. The Violent Thai Woman.
“Some Thai women are prone to very violent actions! Think kicking, punching, stabbing, even mutilating etc. Guys, just DON’T be with a woman like this!”
It’s so well known that wives and girlfriends take their revenge for alleged infidelity in this way, that men often joke about it after they’ve been out on an illicit date. “I’d better get home so that the ducks have something to eat”.
This saying comes from the time when most Thai houses were on stilts and food was thrown out the window for the ducks in the farmyard. The removed penis, the “evidence”, was therefore quickly destroyed.
11. The Threat Maker.
“Some Thai women seem to want to control their guy by constantly issuing threats. This is no way to spend your life!
Can you see that it’s a VERY good idea that you seriously take time to meet the right Thai lady and not just jump into a relationship with someone because they have a cute smile?”
The man may be the titular head of the household but the woman controls everything. She typically handles all the money.
You certainly should get to know your partner before committing to a relationship. That applies in all cultures. Meet her family, friends, and work colleagues.
By listening and observing them, you’ll learn how Thai culture is different from your own. You’ll see that your partner’s “threatening” behaviour is the normal Thai way to communicate.
The next observation from the YouTuber continues his theme of threatening behavior and ultimatums.
12. The Ultimatum Giver.
“This Thai lady seeks to control you by constantly telling you, “If you do this, I will leave you. If you do that, we can’t be together.”
“She has never learned how to experience or use dialogue in a relationship and so her only option is to issue one ultimatum after another.
FACT: After a while, this will slowly wear down your relationship until one day you will think, “Nope. I have had enough of this.”
As I have explained before, your partner acts according to the cultural norms and propaganda to which she, and indeed all Thais, have been subjected. Threats and ultimatums are the means to control.
